Saturday, February 04, 2006

Moon in Taurus in the 12th Opposing a 6th house Sun in Libra cusp Scorpio (or "The Pit")

Officially, I don't hate people anymore.

After a FIVE HOUR struggle against my inertia, I roused myself from my comfort, showered, trimmed this funny little facial hair I have, and went out into the world. It was good. No, it was really good. People are so much cooler than I give them credit for being.

Brandon saved my life tonight, but then, from the way I understand it, I saved his one night, too. It makes me feel really good, to know I *do* do good in the world. It makes me feel really good to know that someone is brave enough, at least once, to speak their truth and make sure I hear it through any and all protestations and... *sighs*

I came home after jotting numerous notes in my journal, taking care of some of the emotional life stuff I ignore. I had the time. The 85 takes the long way around.

Met Meghain (I dunno... she spells it some non-traditional, different variation way I don't completely understand yet. But I will. I like her. Scorpio with a swatch of blue glitter above her eyes) and we all went to her place and smoked in the laundry room. It was too funny and cool.

Can I just say that I love the deaf community here -- or what I know of the deaf community here. I shock myself by how much sign I retain, but also, how easy communication is if I give into it and trust myself. I like people who don't take communication for granted. Oh, maybe they do... but can't with me because I am from the "hearing" world. And they sense my truth: I am really interested in communicating with them.

I spent the night being quasi-felt up -- which was fun. Then on a couch with Dave dissing and purring and having a good ol' time. Then back upstairs to shake my ass -- which is exactly what I did. I love that Fridays are hip-hop night at R-Place... not only for the plethra of brothas and sistas in the place (really, it's the only place, besides Re-Bar's Pandora's Box nights which are like the last Saturday in the month.... *decides to mark that in my calendar....), but for the danceable music. Of course, I had to ask some drunk baby dyke to make up her mind where she was going to be so I didn't hit her, but I had a good time and then went outside with Brandon and Dave (who took that moment to go home... but he wasn't really having any fun. He was feeling all shy and quiet, I think) so Brandon could smoke and I didn't smoke... at all. Didn't even sneak a puff, although I thought about it. And when Scott thrust his tongue o' glory down my throat, the taste in my mouth grossed me out when I noticed it in aftermath.

I *love* "Ode to Divorce" by Regina Spektor.

"Can ya help a brotha out?
Can you help a brotha.... out?
Can ya help a brotha out, out, out, out, OUT.
So break me to small parts
Let go in small doses
But spare some for spare parts
There might be some good ones
You might make a dollar
(There might be some good ones)
There might be some good ones
(You might make a dollar)
You might make a dollar
(There might be some good ones)
There might be some good ones"

I hate those "kissing a smoker is gross" commercials. If the person is hot enough, if they actually know what they are doing when they kiss you, you won't even notice the smoker taste till way later.


Anyway, I came home on a cloud and decided to go to the store because I was not done with the night and I didn't want to be alone. I decided to wake Ryan. Why not? He knows who he signed on to. *grins*

"Brush the hair aside
Faces are visible
It growes a flower in
Tell me it is true love!

Music plays for me
I've never heard it this way before
Tell me it is true love!

I have fallen in love
Mirror showes a beautiful tree
Beautiful me
Tell me it is true love!"
- Hanne Hukkelberg, "True Love"

I must stop being ashamed of being who I am in fear someone will think I am weird. Um... I AM weird. But within my own world, I am the sanest, most sensible person alive.

(This Jason Mraz revisioning of Bjork's "Unravel" is marvelous brilliance.)

So, I woke him up and waited for him and didn't mind a single moment. We walked to QFC in constant conversation and ketchup (catch-up) -- and he wasn't even visibly grumpy which I was thankful for... whether he was grrr! I'm sleeping or not, he came with me and it was every bit the magic I wanted it to be. Sometimes, those huge things make all the difference. *grins*

I know so many people would have cursed me out. I can imagine telling people the story of coming home at 3 in the morning and waking your sleeping partner up... just to go on a walk... there's no emergency... but I wonder if that is a limitation/restriction/line... He seemed more confused than angered and once he realized we were going out into the world, he climbed on my board. With one ear plugged with my iPod (sound turned real low), the other listening to him and thinking and sharing... it was like a movie.

(this just as The Postal Service starts singing about "Such Great Heights" ... I have to take a moment to rawk out with my proverbial cock out...)

The weather in Seattle has been depressing. I am giving Elliott Smith's XO a revisitation. No, this is not the smartest move in the world -- but someone's gotta be risky emotional... for the sake of our community. Yeah, that's some sloppy attempt to get into that ol' Aquarian sun.

Brandon made me remember tonight that the vision is the most important part. The vision and the epiphany.

So, I don't hate the world anymore.

But I gotta move.

Because my inertia is scaring me.

I should figure out what I am going to do re: My lacking spiritual life.


But it's time.

*rolls eyes*

Time for Saturday morning cartoons. *grins*

"Ain't got time to die!"

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