Ergane in Retrograde

Ok, white men who are only into B/black men

Now, if you read that title and came here thinking I was going to start talking about Ryan, you would be mistaken because he is not like that.

That said, being someone who likes to peruse sights like Craigslist M4M and Adam4Adam and Gay.com and other places where I encounter white men who desire B/black men to near fetishistic exclusion, I started to realize something:

They consider themselves "real" and locate "realness" and "authenticity" (not to mention "real masculinity") in B/black males.

And so we are drifting in this idea where B/black masculinity makes one more "real"... and they feel their desire is true... and it is... but not because they actually desire B/black men or males as B/black men or males, but because they are attracted to their own understanding of their "realness."

Thus, the desire, the exotification really has nothing to do with the person in question, but the way in which another person can become the mirror for white authenticity and "realness."

... I wanna be really excited about this... but I know better... it ain't new.

And this is why I am pretty effectively sealed off from these guys... I tend to reflect people back to themselves until I become comfortable showing myself (I would say there's some sure-fire recipe to it, but really... it comes and goes with a rhyme and reason only I can understand or decipher and in the end come to a conclusion about)... and I can't help but reflect back their hatred... and show them myself as feminine opposition (I wish I could say it was for something other than test and games... but I could never take these folks serious because I do know myself as a person and I know it is bigger than they are able to conceive and gosh, who cares?... anyone who really knows me knows the flux of my energy and how it eventually settles... I digress) which usually sends them scuttling off or makes them think they love me. *rolls eyes*


Advice no one will take: If you are cruising the internets for a sexual encounter and putting up a whole bunch of stats, you are not really trying to find someone for sex, you are trying to find someone to fall in love with, to make you feel less empty, for some other reason than having sex with another person. When you are really horny, things like stats and fly out of the window -- it's just true. You can call it preferences or standards or whatever the fuck you want to because you are a liar and you are wrong. You are looking for someone to fill your empty soul. When one wants sex, they just want sex -- as sex.

So, I wish people would be honest and real about that shit. It's ok. It's ok to just want to connect to another person and to welcome sexual energy into that connection. (One of the main reasons why I prefer hanging with Ryan over anyone else, besides being in love with him and partnered to him, is that we are comfortable with the sexual energy and tensions we have with each other. It can turn into something else... or just be what it is... sometimes we snarl and snap at each other when we should just go somewhere and fuck... we like our battle of the will games sometimes... anyway...) The relationships of identified gay men (and males in order to include myself in the analysis... since I do not identify as a "man" and yet am in some strange way a part of this mass... I prefer to exist in this community in my complexity instead a performativity are such that the way we

****

I wonder for how many men are their "types" based on the first person they felt desire for... the type becoming the simulacra (I am using the term as informed by my reading of it in Baudrillard) for desire behind which is *nothing*... which is why their relationships, based off this tight-assed copy never can or never COULD work.

Is it awful... sometimes I do feel other people are so transparent and silly...

... arrogance vs confidence...

OK, real world beckons.

posted by Ergane @ 6:07 PM