Ergane in Retrograde

Ego Moments

Waking up is getting easier and easier. I am learning to quickly analyze the reason why I am awake and tend to it so I can go back to sleep. Use the bathroom. Shake off my thoughts so my dreams move on. Last night, I was drying out. I decided to use Mucinex because I have been so stuffy lately! Well, I was looking for something like Benedryl, but we don't have any... so, the bo-bo Mucinex DM will do. And did. I didn't wake up for the remainder of the night.

But what I really want to write about is how cool it is to bike to school when the kids are in the yard.

Opening the gate when it is fully shut with my bike in tow is always a bit of a hassle and today, I was all bouncy as "Cherish" by Madonna rang in my ears.

"Perish the thought of ever leaving/ I never would!"

Then I heard Zaineb calling my name, "QUEN-TIN! QUEN-TIN!" I turned my iPod down real low, then acknowledged her. She started to run towards me, but I had no idea whether she could come that far, so I hurried up and finished my gate business and rode my bike over to her. She's in love with my horn. It is pink and terribly cute AND gay. She sqeaked it three times in quick procession. Then I told her I was going to chain up my bike -- and I was -- but also, I get a big kick out of beating the bus. The kids are always like, "You beat us! We saw you on your bike!"

See, what this is... is a feeling of belonging and constant acknowledgement. I feel like a pop star as kids that are "mine" come and greet me and kids that are not "mine" do, too. Especially since I have been listening to Mariah Carey's first album on my iPod, I feel like I am in highschool again and I am popular, but this time, I know it and knowing helps me do my job better because I *want* to be here.

Yesterday... didn't go as well. I left early thinking I would eat and then go home and take a nap. Only it took forEVER for a bus to come and I was outside, in the rain, with my back going out, thinking about how I ignored all these signs that told me to stay at school. I should have paid attention to that. I should have, but I did not.

Anyway, I need to talk to Teresa. I don't want to continue doing nothing until 9:40 am -- although it does suit me, or will once I start to do guided reading with my own crew of second graders -- and wouldn't you know they gave me the two most behaviorally difficult boys in the class. *flares nostrils* But I want to talk to her because I want to tutor that little girl whose mom asked that she be tutored. She wants to read and I have a slot for her! Maybe, just maybe I could take my oats home and breakfast at home. That worked out well this morning where I had an old whore's diet of veggie fried rice and a spring roll and fried chicken wings (... I know... it makes me scratch my head, too...)...

If I don't talk to her, it is because I am trying to stay in a beginner's mind and a beginner doesn't start suggesting ways in which their time can be best spent. (... do they?)

... yeah, I am working on my inner diva. Mediating her, not diminishing her... helping her to grow.

But it sure is humbling when kids know your name and are happy to see you and greet your smiles with little shiny smiles of their own.

*smiles*

P.S. Err... I like comments... even if it is to say hi. Blogger never caught on with me like LJ because it always seemed so.... lonely.

I'm a Libra cusp Scorp. The Scorp part doesn't mind being alone and finds it restorative even... but not the Libra part!

Peace.

Oh, and Adbi likes to get off the bus and be funny in his own Adbi way. He told me I am girl yesterday because of my long hair and earrings in my ears and nose. Oh, Abdi... if only it were THAT simple!

Also, Quinn (from Mr. Luke's class) has an older brother named Max who was trying to run up the wall. It was in a safe way, so I didn't say much of anything.

*hums happily*

Labels: Abdi, Beginner's mind, coming to school, Cooper Elementary, Max, Quinn, work, Zaineb

posted by Ergane @ 9:09 AM