Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Late night thousand thoughts a minute thoughts


I have a cd called African Rhythms. I am unclear how this works here... did these white guys play with the Aka Pymies? Did they copy their music and "make it their own?" Did they record these people and then forgot... A nasty thing my mind. But it isn't just this... you don't want to look at porn with me sometimes. You'd be amazed the kinds of issues I see popping up in porn... that go largely unexamined.

One day, I would like to write a paper about porn and how it passes on it's own personal signature in the construction of the white supremacist partiarchal capitalist machine (thanks bell).

My horoscope from Doublesign.com says things like:

Rabbit: "An ideal day to make friendship ties which will resist the test of time."

When all I wanna do is cut people from my life... maybe not permanently, but to allow myself to "grow" out of people and not be afraid of that so new people can be brought forward.

Libra: "Think to look for the company of people who share your interests as well as your ideal."

That's a motherfucker right there. I can find few people with my interests and no one with my ideal. *sighs* I wonder if it is because I don't make my ideal clear enough. But you know, even I am coming to realize it.

Life is not comfortable for those with nervous, sensitive temperments... especially when I start to wonder if I can ever communicate my ideal to another person, much less get paid for even fumbling around, blindly, looking for it.

God, tho, I want to know people who have my ideal.

I'm really disappointed with everything right now, no matter how good or not good. Regardless, I recognize it as a moment to turn inward just a bit so I am working on me instead of the world.

I will never fully understand how some people can be in a room with other people and not speak. I like to talk. I like conversation with people who can be open without feeling they are giving something away that will cost them later -- I haven't had one of those kinds of conversations in years. I don't understand why people stifle how they can feel -- I don't understand when *I* do it. That means I REALLY hate it when YOU do it.

My mom wishes me to be better than her -- that's what she said before I started screaming at her. (Guess you can't be any more unlike your mother if you don't mind and kinda prefer a good screaming and yelling thing -- although the loudness and force of your voice scares your poor mom shitless... I'll call her again this week just to check in -- don't nag, Constant, don't nag.

Lux is asleep on top of the computer, lulled by the roll of my keying, I guess. More than likely, Josalyn is sleeping beside Ryan in my space beside him. I think I am going to finish watching _Oz_ on On Demand... I like watching the story between Tobias and Keller.

But I would be str8 lying if I didn't tell you watching Kenny's torso and around his sexy little hips ain't about to make me bust a nut. (*winks* Always with an edge of crude...) Also, aren't the Muslim's just the sexiest brothas in Oz? GotDAYUM!


(Err, just kidding.)

... I am jeopardizing my own project of going all Virgo Full Moon up on this place.... (with an eclipse, too...) by not being able to sleep because I am allowing myself writing.


Night folks.


At 6:43 PM PST, Blogger Vcat said...

So noting that you collect teapots, I just have to ask: Have you ever come across a Harlequin Tea Set?


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