Monday, March 13, 2006

Transiting Moon in Virgo (4th) square Natal Neptune in Sagittarus : visible drafting

In a very obvious manner, I have been tracking my Lunar Returns. A Lunar Return is when the transisting moon forms an exact 0 degree conjunction with your natal moon. My natal moon is at 0 degrees Gemini. With a natal moon at 0 degrees Gemini, I realized I had to pay
attention to the moon in order to be aware when it was my "time of the
month."

This all started when I realized... I certainly did have "times of the month." Although I appropriate the language, I do mean a time where I feel a disturbance in my normally everyday existance. That was when I started to pay attention to the moon.


You see, when I lived in Tucson, AZ, I worked as a "courtesy officer." Call it the goody-two shoes within me set out into the world to maintain order, and then forgetting who I was dealing with. (... another story for another time...) -- moving...

I had always paid attention to the moon. Working as a night courtesy officer in Tucson, AZ allowed me to sit in regular audience of the stages of the moon. Tucson has an ordinance that maintains as much natural darkness as a city like it can. Because the sky is generally cloudless, except during monsoon season, one can watch the moon nakely wax and wane in the sky. My obsession with moon-watching gave forth to research practices. For example, once I looked up the moon phrases and while making my rounds, I would try to notice the moon on a purely sensate level. If you have ever been outside during the Harvest Moon (which is a low moon, sitting low to the ground... in Tucson, you could see the earth beneath your feet. I would find myself straining to see people who looked like me in their fields, backs bent, getting in the harvest. I thought, how different my life is and then understood, just as immediately, the ways in which I *don't* have it better. Today, I find I walk around feeling too sensitive and hurt and yet, those are not the kinds of things you are supposed to talk about. This reminds me of one of my favorite moments in Tucson: I went with Cathy Busha to see Vagina Monologues back in '01 (maybe '02?). Anyway, Cathy and I gender deviate in a very similar fashion and, since I was going out with a stud, I decided to put on my favorite skirt for the occassion -- everyone should own at least one... and if you are in Seattle, I need help shopping, my ass is bigger than all the ones I have! -- ANYWAY, what I found interesting was seeing the only other B/black people in that audience in Tucson. A hopelessly beautiful sista and her boyfriend -- or just date... or just guy with her -- their relationship doesn't matter. The relationship that matters here is the sista having to elbow the dude with her who started whining about "what if everyone sees HIM and think I'M like that..."

My obsession with moon-watching gave forth to creative research investigative projects. For example, once I looked up the moon's phrases. While making my rounds, I took notice of the moon and tried to figure out the different logics to the different names.

I had grace. I smiled, knowing, the only people who think like that are people who ARE
like this. Who is this? Everybody. *winks*), you'd see the immediate difference between it and the Hunter's Moon that hangs high in the sky like a spider waiting for something to shake its web is as apparent as the joy of seeing noctural desert creatures working out their games of survival in the Sonora desert. like knowing and understanding the phases of the moon passed down (... just struggling to divorce myself from the shit of knowing another people's history that demonstrates the colonialization/civilisation game the European nations were caught in). I found myself checking out the

Ah... all together now:

Working as a night courtesy officer in Tucson, AZ allowed me to sit in regular audience to the phrases of the moon and a love of full moon's in general. Tucson has an ordinance that maintains as much natural darkness as a city like it can. Because the sky is generally cloudless, except during monsoon season, one can watch the moon nakely wax and wane in the sky. My obsession with moon-watching gave forth to research practices. For example, once I looked up the moon's phrases. While making my rounds, I took notice of the moon and tried to figure out the different logics to the different names. A Harvest moon, for example really *does* lean low to the ground. In Tucson, during the cooler summer nights, while looking for would-be criminals, I found joy in watching noctural desert creatures working out their games of survival in the Sonora desert. However, the Hunter's Moon hangs high in the sky like a spider waiting for some "thing" to shake its web.

Eventually, I came to notice that "time" of the month (you know... I have heard that males have "periods" every 20 minutes. I think it was on a movie I saw when I was a kid and agreed with it so thoroughly it became a kind of scientific fact. Being a Pomotrannyfaggotmisandrist is *hard* work! -- in the idea of creating gender/sex mythologies... and perhaps another essay tomorrow -- taken with more seriousness.... anyway) occured when the transiting moon crossed over my natal 12th house Chiron in Taurus. As aways, in the middle of intellectualizing my inner wounds, my emotions kicked in as the transiting moon moved over my natal moon. was in Gemini, returning to my natal moon home in the 12th house -- which means I started to feel them as if they were happening in present time (something else in my chart is activated... and it's too hard to discuss astrology in any way that makes any kind of sane or rational sense... any way....). Then, I *had* to be alone. Then, I needed darkness to sit and loosen myself from what became my life, shed and let go of all the hatred and shit that accumulated. I did this in Tucson religiously, living as close to the moon as I did, hating that place as much as I did (I have an actual and active hate of new moons....) -- we wouldn't have left there without that kind of focus. Living in Seattle again, I miss communing with the moon this way. I haven't figured out a relationship with the land here. As usual, I hate it when I get stuck between the now and then... don't you?

All together now:

Eventually, I came to notice that my "time" of the month occured first when the transiting moon crossed over my natal 12th house Chiron in Taurus. Then, in the middle of healing my inner wounds through intense intellectualizing, my emotions kick in just as the transiting moon moved over my natal moon in Gemini -- which means I started to feel my inner wounds as if they were happening in present time. I hate it when I get stuck between the then and now... don't you?

Anyway, since learning about Lunar Returns, I decided to attempt living within my emotions, constantly... which, I fear, is a horribly Piscean way to behave. Today, the transiting moon is in Virgo, moving conjunct my natal Virgoan Venus.

I feel really powerful and strong... I remember this feeling.

This is the surly, domme energy. In the Fourth house, this is the dark side of nurture.

The submissive I had broke it off -- in essence... wait, he was never submissive. Why do I have a knack for bringing out all that is "Uh-uh!" in people? I make people resistant to me and anything I might say or think and distrust meets my ever word because they are afraid... they have no idea what I am seeing, what I am doing, how I am moving, how I am living, whether I am actually living or not because the idea of bending Ryan over my knee and smacking his butt red is really appealing to me. However, being a Taurus, he is going to be skittish and on guard, watchful. Even Yami, who is a Taurus, seems to fear for her autonomy. I don't want to govern them... merely, I want to be around people who like to live in the world of the mind. *sniffles* I am so sad. Where can I find these people in real life? *whine*


*sigh*

Quentin Ergane

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